Thursday, September 16, 2010

FBI = Feds Bulk-Up by Injection

The WaPo has an alarming story today about the arrest of four FBI employees in connection with their use of anabolic steroids.

Three Washington area FBI agents and an analyst were charged Wednesday with covering up their use of steroids and human growth hormone, officials said Wednesday. The unusual federal investigation comes as U.S. authorities are bringing high-profile prosecutions against baseball stars Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens.

The special agents and investigative analyst, all living in Northern Virginia, made false statements by omitting mention of their use of the performance-enhancing drugs as part of required disclosures in annual fitness reports to the bureau, the FBI alleges. The charge carries a maximum penalty of five years in prison, a $250,000 fine or both.

-- snip --

In the FBI case, according to court papers, Katia Litton, 42, a special agent with the Washington Field Office since 2003 and a former bodybuilder, used steroids and HGH along with her husband, Matthew Litton, 39, an agent since 2001 whose FBI medical file describes him as "5'8' and 190 lbs." and "muscular."

Along with Special Agent James Barnett, 42, also with the Washington office, and counterterrorism analyst Ali Sawan, 45, the four allegedly met with doctors and received fake diagnoses for conditions including pituitary dwarfism beginning in 2006.

Husband and wife bodybuilders? Okay, I can understand their motivation for using steroids. (I just don't want to visualize them.)

But a counterterrorism analyst? I can't quite imagine a juiced up analyst. Aren't those guys supposed to be pencil-necked geeks? Actually, I guess it could be a good thing. An analyst on steroids would shuffle papers with superhuman strength, suck up data dumps with hypermanic intensity, and might not even mind the testicular shrinkage. The only downside would be having to put up with bouts of roid rage when his spreadsheets won't format just right. I know how much I hate that.


paul said...
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Anonymous said...

The injections these agents were recieving were not steroids, they were Human Growth Hormons. They in NO WAY bulk you up or any oyher such nonsence! I know this for sure because I recieved the SAME INJECTIONS from the SAME DOCTOR!! And he didn't give them a falce diagnosis, the HGH injections are for several problems with the pituitary gland they just happen to have the same diagnosis codes as pituitary dwarfism! Now because of this stupid moron who decided to start all this BS,me and many others who really need these injections can't get them! Chalk another one up to our Government screwing us!!