Thursday, April 23, 2015

Cheer Up, Marie, Everything Will Turn Out Fine

Not Marie Harf's official photo, but close

Marie, you should know that I'm on your side. So it pained me to see how State passed you over for the big job, and for an old white man, too! You've been victimized and disadvantaged by patriarchal oppression and male privilege. If I were you, I'd sue.

How did this happen? After you put up with all that criticism of your performance, unfair as it was, often sexist and almost always juvenile in nature, this is how SecState Kerry rewards your loyalty?

Don't despair. You're only, what, 34 years old? Born in 1981? I literally still have a wristwatch that I bought in 1981, and it works great. Buck up. Things will get better.

And don't worry about being compared to your new boss, Admiral Kirby. People just think he's more professional because he has a deeper voice and wears a blue uniform. But when you get right down to it, he has delivered exactly the same Obama administration messages that you have. He just does it without the sorority-girl vocals, blonde hair, and adorable glasses.

Don't you change a thing. You'll outlast this ex-Navy guy, and there is always a new administration coming along every four years.

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