Friday, June 24, 2011


Drop whatever else you're doing and go to's Danger Room to help them re-brand Al Qaeda.

Play Don Draper for a moment. What do you think about when you think about al-Qaida? The senseless slaughter of innocents, right? As it turned out, even Osama bin Laden thought his terrorist organization needed an image reboot.

-- snip --

Danger Room has offered PR advice to troubled companies before. But we think you can do better. So Draper up: pour yourself an early Scotch, take an afternoon nap, start an inappropriate fixation on a co-worker and give al-Qaida a new name — something that says, “Now With 20 Percent Less Eschatological Violence.”

Send them your best pitch. But be aware that the competition is very, very, good. Here's what they have so far:

League of Extraordinary Beards
Westboro Baptist Church
Kandahar Ardent Brotherhood Of Orthodox Muslims (KABOOM)
Bad News Beards
72 Virgin Airways
SEAL bait
Yes We Quran!
Dr. Bin Laden's 100% Natural Good Time Terror Band Solution
The Artist Formerly Known as Al-Qaida
2 Beards 1 Cup
Why hide it any more? Inter-Services Intelligence
All Your Beards Are Belong To Us!
The Falafel Dumpling Gang
Angry Beards
Arabic People's Front, no wait.. People's Front of Arabia, no... Arabic Popular People's Front
These Aren't the Beards You're Looking For
Two and a Half Martyrs
Beardy Bunch
Da' Beards
Inglorious Beards
People Organized to Osama's Principles (POOP)

Which way should they go? Upscale, or mass market? Corporate, or touchy-feely? Techno-geek, or pious?

I suggest a cool rap name, either "Serious Trigga Osama" or "Qaeda Q Daddy."


Anonymous said...

TSB: Those are great! I think "Yemen
Tree" should be somehow included as a small "branch" to emphasize that it's not worth starting another war over.
gwb... and they need their own logo
and song... in english of course!

Anonymous said...

TSB: Re: CIA confirmation. It turns out General Petreaus who was formerly unequivocally against torture is now for it.. but only if necessary! I sure hope this doesn't get anyone upset. gwb

TSB said...

Oh, a little torture never killed anybody. I distrust unequivocal principles anyway.

I like what Prince Faisal said in Lawrence of Arabia, when he told the American journalist why the Arabs didn't torture Turkish prisoners:

"With Major Lawrence, mercy [to prisoners] is a passion.

With me, it is merely good manners.

You may judge which motive
is the more reliable."