Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

Man, 76, Cops Plea For Home Castration; Floridian also once performed surgery in room at La Quinta Inn - The Smoking Gun

"An elderly Florida Man today copped a plea to felony charges in connection with his bloody, botched castration of a man he met on a eunuch website, a crime for which he will be sentenced to three years in prison, according to court records ... The man’s testicles -- removed during a procedure that took several hours -- were in a pink container atop a bedside table in the makeshift operating room."

"During the raid, investigators took possession of a wide array of medical tools, many of which were covered in blood. Along with scalpels, clamps, hypodermic needles, and forceps, cops confiscated a surgical stapler, rubber tourniquets, a soldering iron, and “an assortment of skinning and filet knives.”"

TSB Note: How was it a "botched" castration when the patient's testicles were, in fact, removed? A castration with complications, it seems, but hardly a botched one. And, what's with the soldering iron???!!!

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"D.C. Jail Inmate Joel Caston Wins ANC 7F07 Race" - Washington Informer

Joel Caston, an inmate at the D.C. Jail, made history Tuesday as the first from that correctional institution to be elected to a public office in the District ... Caston will serve as the advisory neighborhood commissioner (ANC) for single-member district 7F07 in Ward 7. In addition to the roughly 1,500 residents of the D.C. jail, the district includes the Harriet Tubman Women’s Shelter and residents of Park Kennedy, an apartment complex across the street from the jail ...Caston is believed to be the only incarcerated person to have been elected to a political office in the country at this time.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Florida man acting as own attorney screams at jurors in opening of his death penalty case" - WFLA.com, Hillsborough County

In addition to his courtroom demeanor, this amateur lawyer really needs to work on his cross-examination skills before he takes on any more cases:

The state’s last witness was Thomas Dirks, the case detective. During cross-examination, Oneal asked Dirks if he could say for certain if Oneal committed murder.

“Yes, that’s why I arrested you,” Dirks said.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"You Can't Throw a Baby!" - ClickOrlando

Records show stop sticks were used to puncture James’ tires and shortly thereafter he pulled into an apartment complex and bailed out of the Nissan while holding a small child ... He’s accused of running through the complex with the baby then throwing the 2-month-old boy at a deputy, who managed to catch the child.

“You can’t throw a baby at us and expect us to treat you with kid gloves,” Indian River County Sheriff Eric Flowers said.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Fungus full of psychedelic drugs could cause Indiana Brood X cicadas' butts to fall off" - South Bend Tribune

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Toronto Police Service Guns Seized" - Twitter Site

#offthestreets this week pic.twitter.com/emkWTVwBcQ

— Toronto Police Service Guns Seized #offthestreets (@TPSGunsSeized) April 21, 2021

I love following Toronto Police Service Guns Seized for the antique pieces they take #offthestreets with some frequency. Usually it's something like an old Iver Johnson break-top .32, or a British military Webley or Short Magazine Lee-Enfield. But this week's seizure takes it to a new level. This pistol was 'on the streets' practically before there were streets.

Assuming it's not a modern reproduction - and that looks very unlikely - what the Toronto Police Service have seized is a muzzle-loading caplock percussion pistol complete with ramrod, probably of 14-bore caliber, and seemingly of the French 1822 pattern. It may even be a caplock conversion of a flintlock [!] pistol. Whatever it is, there must be an amazing bit of military history in the story of how it turned up in Toronto in the year 2021.

If that one ends up being destroyed instead of sent to a museum, I'll be shaking my head for a long time.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Incident involving stripper at job site 'entirely unacceptable'" - Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, dateline Toronto

CBC News also obtained graphic video of the incident showing at least four men watching and two men touching the woman while she dances. Nobody in the video is wearing a mask or physically distancing, despite government rules for job sites.

There it is: the stripper was not wearing a mask, and no one was physically distancing. You can bet the stripper wasn't wearing ear and eye protection either, much less steel toe stilletos. Write that contractor up for health and safety violations.

For the love of Dr. Fauci and everything holy, I just hope this sort of misconduct does not spread to those job sites run by my good friends in the Bureau of Overseas Buildings Operations. I hold them to a higher standard.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Chinese zoo embarrassed after attempting to pass off golden retriever dog as an African lion" - South China Morning Post

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Colorado's indoor cannabis farms produce 30% more greenhouse emissions than the state's coal mining industry due to electricity use and natural gas consumption" - UK Daily Mail

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Satan Tries to Get a Date on Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority Train" - NBC 10 Boston

That approach is more personable then looking for dates on Tinder, I suppose. But frankly, I find it implausible that Satan would ride public transportation in Boston, or anywhere.

Now, my idea of a real Satan is someone who sounds Mick Jagger/Keith Richards-ish and lives in Las Vegas, where he buys and sells James Brown's soul and makes winner-take-all bets about dragging the Vegas Strip at dawn.

Please enjoy:

Most Head Skakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Rooster fitted with knife for cockfighting kills its owner by slashing his groin as it tries to escape" - Daily Mail

The fighting cock had a blade strapped to its leg ready to take on an opponent when it tried to flee the vicious blood sport ... His owner was cut and rushed to hospital in rural Telangana state but died of blood loss before he arrived ... The killer rooster was briefly held at the local police station earlier this week before it was sent to a poultry farm.

I love how the Daily Mail ascribes a motive to the rooster - "it tried to flee" - which makes it all sounds deliberate. The rooster had a definite consciousness of guilt all right, and I just hope it's prepared to pay the price for its rash act. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time, even if it's hard time on a poultry farm.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"A Columbia professor who uses heroin says the drug helps him maintain a work-life balance" - Insider

What is so wrong, he wonders in the book, about indulging in a short, thin "few lines by the fireplace at the end of the day"?

Hart is convinced the US must regulate and license recreational drugs and then teach people how to use them safely ... "You could have a massive public-service-announcement campaign that says 'If you're going to use opioids, don't use alcohol as a background or other sedatives in combination, because it increases the likelihood of respiratory depression and death,'" Hart said.

So then, please enjoy your opioid of choice responsibly.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"3 Pennsylvania neighbors dead after fight over snow shoveling" ABC News

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Orgy involving at least 81 people raided by police in France for breaking covid rules Partygoers fined over breach of curfew rules" - The Independant

"The event was in breach of the curfew, and there were also problems with masks and social distancing," an investigator said.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina-scented candle explodes into flames causing an ‘inferno’ in a woman’s living room - The Sun

“The candle exploded and emitted huge flames, with bits flying everywhere ... I’ve never seen anything like it. The whole thing was ablaze and it was too hot to touch. There was an inferno in the room ... We eventually got it under control and threw it out the front door."

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

Former Mafioso and confessed murderer of 19 (that he admits to - bada-bing!) Sammy 'The Bull' Gravono has pulled the trigger on a podcast about his life of organized crime.

Have an espresso and stir up some tomato sauce with sauted onion, garlic, and olive oil while you make your bones on this cold piece of anti-social media at: Our Thing podcast.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

Adolf Hitler Wins Election in Namibia, Has No Plans for World Domination - Newsweek

Adolf Hitler Uunona has been elected with 85 percent of the vote for a seat on the regional council in the former German colony, where street names, people and places still have German names ... He told German tabloid paper Bild: "My father named me after this man. He probably didn't understand what Adolf Hitler stood for. As a child I saw it as a totally normal name. Only as a teenager did I understand that this man wanted to conquer the whole world."

He appears on the election nomination list as Adolf H. Uunona. He won the seat on the ticket of the ruling SWAPO party which has ruled Namibia since independence from apartheid South Africa in 1990.

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

Police warn about fake ‘coronavirus inspector’ - (Maryland) Capital Gazette

“Residents should not open their homes to anyone claiming to be checking for the COVID-19 virus or offering to clean their home,” [Bowie MD Police Chief] Nesky’s department warned in a statement released on the scam.

Most Headshakingly Bad Thing of the Week

"Warning: If you have recently purchased Meth, it may be contaminated with the Corona Virus." - Merrill, Wisconsin, Police Department

"Please take it to the Merrill Police Department and we will test it for free. If you're not comfortable going into an office setting, please request any officer and they'll test your Meth in the privacy of your home. Please spread the word! We are here for you!”

Most Head Shakingly Bad Thing of the Week

Stripper who broke jaw in fall from pole may never twerk again - New York Post

"The Dallas stripper who broke her jaw in a 15-foot drop from a pole will likely never grace the stage again, sources close to her told TMZ ... Genea Sky’s fall from the pole at XTC Caberet Dallas on Monday has left her “scared to death” and contemplating leaving the industry, the sources told the gossip site."

"She’s also hoping to use her viral fame to improve the lives of other exotic dancers, but she’s not sure how best to go about it, according to the report."