Can We Talk About Your Swagger?

The new SecState introduced himself yesterday in a ceremony that lasted only 12 minutes from limo to walk-off. And, as we’ve heard over and over, it was all about restoring the State Department’s swagger.

I’m not sure how the new SecState means that, but the definition of “swagger” in Webster’s doesn’t sound so good:

swaggered; swaggering play \ˈswa-g(ə-)riŋ\

intransitive verb

1 : to conduct oneself in an arrogant or superciliously pompous manner; especially : to walk with an air of overbearing self-confidence

2 : boast, brag

transitive verb

: to force by argument or threat : bully

“Swagger” is meant to be an antonym for “Tillerson” I suppose. We’ll see how that works out. Personally, I distrust all Congressmen, including former ones. The new SecState has a history of dealing with the State Department during his career in Congress, and judging by some of it, people might come to miss Silent Rex someday.

Well, I’m just going to blurt it out. That new SecState’s swaggering introduction of himself was a VIAGRA® ad. There, I’ve said it. And now that I’ve said “VIAGRA®” on the internet I’ll get lots of spam mail from places like Hong Kong, but so be it.

A VIAGRA® ad, yes, but which kind of VIAGRA® ad was it? There are two kinds. The male-focused ones like those “this is the age of knowing” commercials with cowboyed-up middle-aged men doing manly stuff, and the female-focused ones that feature The Pose.

You know the pose: Her stomach’s on the mattress, she’s resting on her elbows, and her feet might be kicked up in the air. It’s the “We need to talk about your boner” pose.

Which is it? Are we to be rowdied up or guilted into getting our swagger back?

** Warning ** Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for swaggering. Side effects may include headaches, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. Seek immediate medical help for a swagger lasting more than four hours.