Miss Dismal Now Has a Name, and a Voice

The Biden administration rolled out its Disinformation Governance Board this week, in an announcement by Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas while addressing Congress on Wednesday. 

The DGB seems to not have any legal powers of its own, but will be part of the Biden administration’s Center for Prevention Programs and Partnerships, so I suppose that federal grants will be the DGB’s weapon of choice against mis-dis-and-mal information. 

Best of all, Miss Dismal now has a face, and a voice. She is Nina Jankowicz, age 33, Executive Director of the DGB and someone with a fabulous musical legacy on social media.* 

I have many questions, and none of them were answered by Secretary Mayorkas. Like, how will the DGB spot mis-dis-and-mal information and then fish it out of the endless stream of news and opinion? Does it have some kind of Dipstick of Truth for measuring the depth and trustworthiness of foreign discourse? Can social media ever be truly Sanitized For Your Protection? And, by what means will the DGB examine a statement by you, me, or anyone else and determine its bona fides? 

Well, he didn't say, so that’s where you just have to have blind faith in the power of government to know what’s best for you. 

In related news this week, the United States – which, remember, invented the Internet – launched the Declaration for the Future of the Internet.** 

According to the White House Spokesperson:

On the international front — what we’re talking about today — we have seen a trend of rising digital authoritarianism, where some states have been acting to repress freedom of expression, to censor independent news sources, to interfere with elections, promote disinformation around the world, and deny their citizens other human rights.

I’m glad my own government doesn’t repress free expression, censor news sources, or do any of that digital authoritarianism stuff. No, it just works with tech companies to do that stuff on its behalf, which is different. To quote the White House spokesperson, they are "flagging problematic posts for Facebook" and "helping to get trusted content out there," and what could be wrong with that? *** 

I mean, unless you're the kind of American who harbors untrusted information. If that's the case, then Miss Dismal and the DGB will set you straight.     

And when my government interferes with elections it does so only for the purpose of promoting Democracy.**** As is well known, Democracy can’t defend itself forever from voters who harbor “unacceptable views,” to quote our neighbor to the North, ‘Jackboots’ Justin Trudeau.***** 

In fact, my government has a long and proud history of forcing democracy upon recalcitrant foreign nations, even if we need to use military force to make them achieve their Democratic Destiny. ****** 

Nothing can possibly go wrong with this Disinformation Governance Board. At least, not unless someone such as Ron DeSantis wins the election in 2024, because he’s just the sort who would use the info-policing powers of DHS for, frankly, partisan purposes.

* Certified True Fact ™ here (among many other performances, which you may google for yourself) 

** Certified True Fact ™ here 

*** Certified True Fact ™ here 

**** Certified True Fact ™ here

***** Certified True Fact ™ here 

****** Certified True Fact ™ here