Thursday, June 4, 2009

Screw the Reds! Save the Greys!

I see that HRH Prince Charles has lent his prestige to the Red Squirrel Survival Trust, which appears to be largely a collection of aristo hunting types and country landowner interests, in their campaign to exterminate the grey squirrel from Britain. The grey species of squirrel was introduced from North America in the 19th century, and Prince Charles thinks they must now be wiped out in order to end the competitive threat they pose to the wimpy native species of red squirrel.

The way Charles described the situation in his keynote speech to the RSST, the American squirrels have been bringing shock and awe to the British countryside:

That is why one of the Red Squirrel Survival Trust's key tasks will be working tirelessly to communicate to the largest possible audience that the greys are, quite literally, driving the native reds to the verge of extinction, not only because they are larger and more aggressive, but because they spread the appalling squirrel pox, to which they are immune but from which the more vulnerable reds suffer dreadfully. At the same time and worst of all, the greys, which are far more populous than the reds, are destroying huge amounts of woodlands, particularly beech trees.

The greys are bigger, badder, and far more numerous than the native reds, and they have so rapidly taken control of their operational environment that their small mammal adversaries are paralyzed and have lost the will to resist. As an American, it makes me proud to know that even our squirrels dominate!

1 comment:

Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake said...

If they really want to keep red squirrels in Britain, they'll just have to import some American red squirrels, who can more than hold their own against the grays.

I went to college in the red vs gray combat zone, and while we'd often have class in the quad in fall, our professors would get frustrated as we'd be mesmerized by the squirrel warfare in the trees. I've seen a single American red squirrel hold a huge oak tree against half a dozen grays. They're the berzerker commandos of the rodent world ;)